Sometimes.. it's just fate

Erm..

How should I start this?

I'm quite shy to talk about this, but I really want to pen this down somewhere paper or none . It may become a ... I don't know.. sweet memory I guess? A very teenage child like idiocy memory.

Hahha.

So... yeah.

Haha

Oh man. Don't know where to start.

So what have I been doing now?

I don't know...

...

....
....

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maybe.. erm.. eyeball chasing a guy I think is hot.

Heheh.


..


Or because him wearing a Sunglasses was kind of hot. That's the effect sunglasses have.

....

So..

It all started on a Friday where I managed to get off work super early because my manager wasn't in and I was lucky to catch the earlier bus.  Everything was fine, I was happy, feeling all lucky cause I got off work on the dot and that's one of the best miracle that can happen to any employee.

It was when I boarded this bus that I saw a guy wearing Sunglasses and it just... bang! Hit me.

..

Like, you know..

the unwillingness to avert your eyes

the sudden heart pounding

the "I think his kind of cute"

kind of feeling. And then I just started to feel shy around him, not daring to look him in the eyes, even though I can't see his eyes anyway.

..
At that point, I don't understand myself.

I mean I am no longer a thirteen or fifteen years old girl but I still get this kind of feelings.

I don't even understand why! I'm a grown up!

I shrugged it off since I know it would be the one time eye candy thing and with the thought that
I am just not feeling myself today.

The bus drove on.

I alighted first, went home and changed before heading for my music lesson without giving him a second glance.

It was then I saw him again, on the bus which I was to board on to way to my music school.
I sort of froze.


..


I couldn't believe my eyes. Could this be a sign?

I was stunned and taken aback that I nearly trip in front of him.

I think he sort of looked at me, watched how I found my balance. Maybe even thinking :" what the hell is this girl doing".

Embarrassed, since everyone on the bus was looking at me, including him, I pretended nothing happened.

I alighted before him once again.

..


After that I hop on every chance I could to get off work early so I can catch the earlier bus just to see him again which I never did. It was the belief that since we managed to see each other twice on the same day,(just when I was thinking of him). maybe like how I wanted to see him, he too, secretly hoping as well.

And perhaps we kind of have fate?

...

But, my first guess was right.

It was an one off thing. So I stopped hoping and my days were back to normal.

Woke up at the same timing, get off work the same timing. Eat the same lunch, wear the same thing.

..

Then fate just likes to play tricks on you.

..

After a week or so, I saw him again.

This time, on the bus ride en route to work. And it was also coincidentally that I stepped out of my house earlier than usual and caught the earlier bus.


It was then I realised that he had this shift work going on therefore he rides the bus on a varying
timing and his working hours change weekly.


But you know, after so much that you have tried. You just don't give a damn before.

So when I saw him again, I was happy seeing a familiar face.

However, unlike before, I don't harbour hopes anymore.

I know that sooner or later I won't be seeing him again.

His work shift will change and then it's on our separate ways again.

So throughout the whole week I didn't deliberately pay him any attention nor did I deliberately leave my home earlier to catch the earlier bus. But I always see him. The day after and the day next.

Although I think I did see him grinned widely when his eyes glanced across mine, as the bus pulled into the bus stop on that day when we saw each other again.

AND I am NOT self-obsessed.

I admit I don't find myself ugly but I AM NOT SELF-OBSESSED.

So it wasn't made up.

..

So basically I saw him almost everyday... except for that Thursday where I missed my bus by a 200m walk. I didn't run for it. Like I said, I don't care that much already. So I didn't manage to see him that day.

But on the next day, standing far from the bus stop  I saw him, peering and moving his head around trying to look for something as the bus drove nearer. I don't know what he was trying to look for but clearly he didn't find what he was looking and well you can see the disappointed look.

..

I was the last to board the bus and when I first stepped onto it,  I could see/feel him staring at me. And I am very sure because he was just directly in front of me. I didn't look him in the eyes, I just can't but with that close proximity I know he was staring.
..

My heart leaped... a little.
..

Then I started to wonder..

Perhaps..., I can take it that he was looking for me?

..

Was he trying to find my shadows in midst of the crowd when the bus first drove into the bay.

..

...

I really don't know.

I was a bit scared.

I don't dare to hope anymore. Look how I suffered when I got my pins up high and then to be shattered.

..

I did what I always did. Act normal,  I alighted before he did on the bus stop near my workplace, no words exchanged.

But I can see, clearly that he was looking when I walked down from the bus. Our eyes met but I tear away before he could stare on.

..

So that's it.

..

That's how it is.

"Next week, we wouldn't be seeing each other again. He will be on another shift, another timing."

Was what I thought on that Friday morning when I last saw him.

But perhaps you know.. just to play safe, miracle could happen again. Like it did.

..

I put on my better looking clothes, cut my hair and wore a little makeup on the following week's Monday morning hoping, yes .. hoping.. just a little that he might notice me when the bus drove in the bay once more.

But I try to be safe, just in case. Not wanting to put too  much effort in, I am not too dressed up, not too much make up and not too excited.

I left home just 5 minutes earlier.

...


Waited at the same bus stop.


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Looking out for the same bus.


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With my ear piece stuck in.

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I stared into the direction where the bus usually drives in from...

..


And then,

I saw it.


...

My bus.


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As it pulls in once more into the bay, I searched. Staring at the spot where he usually sits.


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...


...

...


...

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...
.

He wasn't there.